I haven’t looked at my blog since the last time I’ve written anything and realized it’s been exactly one month. I think I’ll continue the one-month trend since I can't seem to find the time to write more often...
Summertime is coming to an end unfortunately, but I am excited for fall and winter. The more I see Javier growing and enjoying life, the more I want to experience with him. The beauty of the seasons changing is that life patterns do change and I’m excited to share that with him.
Aside from the busy-ness of life, I’ve started to feel some more anxiety creeping up. I’ve written about how I experienced post-partum anxiety and it had actually gotten a lot better, but now I think it’s coming back. I spoke to my brother’s girlfriend who is in the homeopathic world and she informed me that some women continue to spiral downward in moods even well after a year of having given birth and I think that’s what I’m experiencing. As I’ve said before, I have had mild anxiety and depression issues since my teenage years, so this is just another level I’m starting to deal with.
My anxiety can be described as being extremely fearful at time. Not all the time, all of sudden I get a feeling that something bad is going to happen at any given moment. All of this for no real concrete reason! It’s so stupid to me, and that is where the depression kicks in. I get pissed that I feel this way and then it drags me down. Lately, it’s more like something catastrophic is going to happen. I think the reported earthquakes out west and then the one out east have spooked me. Then the hurricane, and those to come. The internet and media are the worst things to turn to, I’ve learned. I’ve stopped looking up information on-line b/c it just exasperates my anxiety. SO, I need to stop and pray and meditate so I don’t feel anxious about things that I can’t control and don’t know about.
I wonder if I weren’t a parent, would I think about these things? Maybe, but I think it would feel differently…
So, I’m taking control of my mind. I contacted my brother’s girlfriend and asked her what vitamins should I be taking. I do believe that my hormones are still wacky and I’m still nursing twice a day, so yeah, my hormones are not balanced. She encouraged me to take a B-complex, a multi-vitamin, fish oil, Magnesium, and folic acid. I believe I eat well, but I don’t think good enough, so I truly believe these vitamins are going to help. She explained that the vitamins sold at large department stores or synthesized and who knows what we’re ingesting there so I purchased vitamins through her pharmacy that are produced naturally and ethically. It’s big investment, but so worth it. I’m very excited for this and do hope that it’s my ticket to feeling better.
When I’m with Javier, I continue to treasure every moment. We laugh, a lot, we play and yeah, he cries and throws tantrums, but we’re having a ball. He’s walking a lot right now, saying words I can’t understand, but it sounds like Spanish. He’s starting to have conversations with us. He’s saying “mama” now - only started this week and I’m completely loving it! Probably one of the best words ever. I don’t know what I will do when he says “I love you” – words will not be able to describe it. Here are a few photos of what our little man looks like these days. He is now 16 months old.
