30 weeks pregnant

Ah, time is ticking away and it's getting to the point where I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. It's positive, but it's everything. I'm starting to get nervous about labor and delivery and I can't get enough of people's birth stories. I know I'm strong and I know I can do it, but I'm still scared. I need to let go of that fear though. I've read that it will keep you from having a smooth delivery and if you go in with fear, you'll create resistance, which in turn more PAIN! The crazy part too is trying to imagine what that pain is like - I have nothing to compare it to. And then I have people tell me, having the baby is a piece of cake, just wait until after the baby is home.

I'm a feeling a lot of physical changes. My belly and boobs are itchy. I do put on some Burt's Bees body balm that feels great. I have all kinds of crazy blue and green veins running through my body. I kind of look like a map. The baby is kicking and moving as if he's trying to get out. It hurts! But it's amazing. I sometimes wonder about my tolerance of pain when I do feel the aggressive movements. But seriously, it hurts and sometimes I brace for the next kick or punch and hope that it isn't as hard. I also feel this weird umbilical cord sensation from the inside. I read somewhere that the baby uses it like a toy. So yeah, he's definitely yanking on it or something, which isn't so pleasant...

I am being a wuss though and have to say that with the discomfort comes the joy. I look down and think, holy shit, I'm having a baby. I think about what he's going to look like, about what kind of personality he's going to have, whether he's going to be a difficult baby or an easy baby. There are no opinions or judgements on these thoughts, I just wonder and get all excited.

I haven't been able to really nest since the house is on the market. It doesn't bother me though. I love having a de-cluttered, clean, house and have learned that this is how I want to continue living, whether in a new house or not. In a few weeks, I'm going to pull out the basics for what I will need when the baby is born and that's it. I'm sure that will do for a month or two. I'd like to bring my baby into a simple, de-cluttered world!

My nesting has consisted of what we are going to experience with the baby and what I'd like our lives to look like. I'm very adamant about living in a different country (preferably in Latin-America) just for a couple of years. We need to expose our child (or children and ourselves) to another culture once and a while. My husband and I know the beauty and benefits of that, and it would be a shame to not do that with our children. I couldn't wait to tell my husband about my plan, but when he returned from Guatemala recently he wasn't feeling well, physically, and well I thought it might not be a good time... I did mention it though so I know we'll have the conversation later.

I'm now planning baby showers with friends and family. That's another thing I'd like to be cognizant of. We have most of the "stuff" we need for the baby, given by family and friends, so we're needing to be a bit creative about gifts and such. My husband and I have always agreed that we should live with the minimum, that we shouldn't waste, that we should recycle everything and anything that we can. This baby will not be deprived in any way, shape, or form and we're just hopeful that our children will adapt and enjoy these basic standards of living.

I have more photos to post, so stay tuned.