Motherhood

I don't have much time to write these days, but I wanted to post a few words while Javier takes a short nap. Naps for the little dude aren't as long like the first few weeks. It's so fun to be there when he wakes up because he's all warm and cuddly. He's more awake now during the day, which is great b/c we're really getting to know each other...

Here are a few words that describe early motherhood:

emotional
taxing
lots of coordinating
lots of guessing
sleep-less
unpredictable
sore, and i mean SORE, nipples
hungry every hour (hasn't change since pregnancy...)
you don't quite feel like a mother yet, just trying to survive
you get excited when your baby poops!

It's been a month since the baby has been born and so much has already changed. He notices me a lot more now, I'm learning all of his cries, I know what his needs are (for the most part). I am starting to feel more and more like a mother, but it's pretty surreal. Part of it is that my days are spent at home. Javier eat, sleeps, cries, and poops and I do the same! I do try to take walks about every other day and we get visitors from time to time, which is nice. I shower quickly when he naps and I do have a short list of things I usually like to get done around the house. I like to prioritize so I don't feel like I haven't done anything else. I don't do much though because most of my time is spent with the baby. My mom keeps telling me to enjoy every moment we have with the baby because they grow so fast. I know what she means... He's starting to feel heavier and look different. He might have even smiled at me a couple of times. Each week there's something new.

I've always been surrounded by women that become mothers and I always thought it would be easy for me. I've learned from day one that nothing is pleasant without sleep. I've learned that you feel much better when you shower and get out of the house. I've learned that this little boy will be the center of my life for the next oh, 18 years. It's amazing how becoming a mother, a parent, gives a whole new perspective on life. There's so much to enjoy, yet so much to worry about and so little time! I think becoming a parent is probably one of the most challenging things in life. Challenging in a good way. Life is about 20% about you, and 80% about the baby. At least that's how I think it is. I will continue to take it day by day and enjoy every minute because it is truly the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Birth Story

On April 19th, it was 8 days passed my due date. I wasn't feeling well, but had no idea what was in store for me. I was tired, crabby, and just waiting for the moment to happen. I was excited b/c I knew my sister was coming to town the following day so that was keeping me distracted. My mom and grandmother had already been here for 11 days and also waiting patiently. They were so lovely, making food for us and simply praying that soon the baby would arrive.

So the 19th, I started to see a bloody-show. This is different for everyone. Some women see it a couple of weeks before they deliver, some see it the day before. I was excited to see mine, and a bit nervous, but I also knew that this didn't mean very much. It could still be days before I was going to give birth.

That night, I had mild contractions, about 1 an hour. They'd wake me up from my sleep, but they were totally bearable. My sister came in from Austin and it was great to see her. Tuesday, she persuaded me to stay home from work. I was probably in early labor at that point, so it was a good idea to stay home. We ended up going shopping that day, which was great - totally what I needed. Tuesday night, the contractions were strong. My husband and sister were taking turns counting my contractions. I was on the exercise ball, walking, breathing, and in the tub - anything to keep me comfortable. I almost went to the hospital, but contractions eased up a bit and I knew once again, it wasn't time. 2:30am came around and my sister went to bed. I didn't sleep that night.

Wednesday, a showing was booked for the house. I was disappointed as I wanted to labor in the comfort of my own home, but we all had to leave for about an 1 1/2hrs. My husband and I ended up going to a golf course's parking lot so that I can doze in between contractions. My husband patiently counted each one and as soon as they would ease up, I would instantly fall asleep. But minutes later another contraction would wake me up. The showing was longer than planned and I thought to myself, somebody better be making an offer.

We ended up back at home. I was in and out of the tub and continued with my laboring. My mom and grandmother wondered why I didn't go to the hospital. They didn't understand that the baby and I weren't ready! Both of the them had always had quick labors and births so they thought that what I was going through was so strange. In part, they didn't want to see me suffering, but I told them this could happen and that they should just stay out of my way if labor was going to be long. They were so obedient. My sister luckily prepared them as well and reassured them that I knew what I was doing. They gave her a hard time about it all b/c they had to take it out on someone - I was so grateful she took all the slack. My sister ended up having to leave that Wed afternoon. I was sad to see her go as I wanted her to meet the baby, but it all had to happen this way. She was there to help us, and that was that.

Wed night the contractions were rough. I went into the tub at about 10:30pm and had about 4 strong contractions. That's when I knew I had to go to the hospital. My husband had been checking in with the midwives the past 2 days, but they kept saying there was no pattern to my contractions so I should stay home. At this point, I needed to know what was happening. We went to the hospital, I was 5 centimeters dilated, the nurse said, "looks like you're having a baby tonight!"

We were so excited and ready for this, but it never happened that night. I never progressed beyond 5-6 centimeters. Contractions were about 2-3 min apart, but I wasn't dilated enough. We called our doula and she came out to help us labor. It was a long night to say the least.

Thursday morning I get into the water birth tub thinking that psychologically this might help me progress. It didn't. Contractions were unbearable, I was exhausted - I'd fall into REM instantly in between contractions, I remember dreaming. I looked at my husband after a contraction and told him I needed pain medication. The midwife explained my options and I requested the epidural. It was the best thing ever. I had to endure about a thousand contractions before it kicked in, but I was finally able to relax. The nurses, midwives, the doula, my husband, they were all so supportive. They all saw how hard I had worked and were completely open to what I needed. It was great.

Sure enough, about 2 hours later, my cervix had completely thinned out and I was ready to have the baby. We were all so relaxed, hanging out watching, the Twins game and listening to music. The midwife noticed I had a fever and the baby was a little stressed out as his heartbeat was higher than usual. They said I needed to start pushing. I couldn't feel the contractions so they had to tell me when they saw them on the monitor. I pushed so hard and they were all cheering me on. They could all see the baby's head! I pushed for about 1 1/2 hrs when the midwife decided that we needed assistance from the Dr. My fever hadn't gone down and we didn't want to wait any longer. The Dr. came in and said she would use a vacuum to assist. She said she'd give me 2 tries and if it didn't work we'd have to have a c-section. I closed my eyes and thought, this baby is coming out now!. I pushed so hard and in the very last push, he came out. I thought I wasn't going to feel anything, but I did! I felt him come out and it was amazing. He didn't cry at first, but when they took him to his little bed, I heard him and it was the most amazing sound ever. I was crying hysterically and was so frickin' happy. It was one of the coolest moments of my life.

My husband went over to greet his new son and was able to cut the cord. Then he brought Javier over to me and put him on my chest. It was so surreal, but so amazing. We all cried for a little while and enjoyed those very first moments together. The nurse came over to tell us they had to take the baby for a check-up and to give him antibiotics in case he had the infection I had during labor. Turns out my fever had gone down immediately, and he was fine. The infection was in my uterus and a mild one and they really didn't know why I got it. They monitored us for 48 us and we both ended up being just fine.

So in the end, no water birth and no quick birth. I was truly expecting that Javier's birth would go the way I had somewhat planned, but it didn't and that's OK. I knew that it could be completely different, but it's hard not to imagine an ideal birth. All in all, I don't regret it. We worked hard, and we learned so much from this experience. Like our doula said, it was a transformative experience and definitely worth it.

I should add that we ended up getting an offer on the house the day Javier was born. We sold the following day. Then we bought a house a few days later. It's been quite the ride. AND, my sister-in-law looked up the meaning of Javier - check it out:

Origin:Basque/Spanish
Meaning: New house

taken from www.parentsconnect.com

We had already chosen the name!