I know this is so evil of me, but I don’t believe in Santa. I never did, and I don’t know if I ever will. Now that I have a child, I’m thinking of ways to keep Santa away. Far, far, away. But we all know that this is impossible.
Growing up, Santa “came” to the house, but I always knew that it was my mom putting presents underneath the tree, and that it really wasn’t Santa. I always knew he wasn’t real...but that was OK. My mom never presented Santa as this magical man who’d come to your house if you were nice, and that if you behaved all year long, he would bring you everything you could wish for. This “magic” didn’t exist in our world, and well, it was always OK. Part of that was that my mom couldn't afford to buy us gifts and so there were no wish-lists. Back then, it might've been kind of sad, but now, I appreciate it. I didn't grow up expecting and I can admit that it shaped my view on what Christmas should really be about.
Now that I have a kiddo, and I tell people that Santa will not be “coming” to the house, they look at me like I’m this crazy, twisted, mom. Santa is so connected to consumerism and I really struggle with the Christmas holiday just for that reason. People spend way too much money, and there is so much greed in the air. There are so many expectations and if they aren’t met people and children are disappointed! I just think it’s a waste. And then I think of those who can't have Santa come to their home (like me!) and I think gosh, they think x-mas sucks b/c they simply didn't get any gifts. That's not what it's all about!!!
To put in a different perspective, a friend mentioned that how do you then let your child have wishes and dreams during the holiday season. I see that, but I only see how people/children link dreams and wishes to the gift-giving Santa. Why can't Santa include that Christmas is not all about getting toys. "He" doesn't say that it could be about love, about sharing happiness, about finding peace and joy in friendships and family and maybe helping others do the same. These are good dreams, no? I never hear Santa talk about any of this! If he did, then maybe I would be OK with him.
So, how do I explain this to our little boy? Thank god I don’t have to do it now, as he’s only 8 months old and doesn’t get it yet, but it won’t be long before he starts to and well, I want to be prepared. I know that the meaning of Christmas is different for everyone, but I want it to be something meaningful to him. I can’t keep Santa away from him, I know. And I know that he could ruin it for other children and then I’ll have parents breaking down our doors and kicking our asses. But, I will be adamant about reducing the Santa attraction, that I know will be for sure. I just need to figure out how!
This x-mas, we’ll be getting together with family from both sides of the family; with those living in MN, and then my family coming in from Chicago and Austin. We do have a tree, but it only has lights and a Peace sign on top and we only got it b/c our friend/realtor gave us one - but we are grateful, and it is beautiful. There will be gifts, but not from Santa, just from cousins, Tios, Tias, Abuelitas and grandpa. We scratched “secret santa” from my side of the family (Alleluia!), but not from my husband’s side. We’ll work harder on that next year. We’ll go to Church and say our thank you’s to God for an amazing, but crazy-ass year. And then we’ll eat and drink and definitely be merry. This is what our Christmas will look like this year…
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Monday, December 6, 2010
One or Two
I've been so busy, that it looks like one blog post a month will have to do these days... This is what's been rumbling in my brain lately.
I’ve been thinking a lot about whether we should have another child or not. The reality is that I’m not getting any younger – I just turned 35 and if we are going to have another child, we should start thinking about it now. Although, my son is almost 8 months old and I’m really enjoying my time with just him. I can’t imagine having another little one right now (even though it won’t be right now) and it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that we’d be raising two children.
Raising children in general is hard. Parents do it to their utmost capability, but to me, this is a very scary thing. It scares me for many reasons and unfortunately this stems from all the not-so-pleasant things I’ve experienced in my own life, and also the unpleasant things I’ve seen in the work that I do. I know what’s out there; I see the pain, the misery, the poverty, and the injustices. Now, there is a big, big, cynic inside of me and I know that this side of me tends to dominate so if I put this aside I really can, and do, see the beauty in the world. But the world is a very, very complex place to live in and it will never be simple - not in my world at least (it'd be so boring!). But really, how do I set aside my own biases, my own realities, my own fears, when I’m raising children?
When I tell people these things, they think I’m crazy. They say I’m thinking way too much about all of this and that I should just chill and enjoy. Ah, if life could be this easy for me. I’ve chilled and enjoyed in my life (almost too much at times…) and now I’m a real adult, I’m a freakin’ parent! To me, Parent is a loaded word. It’s a role in life that can have so much impact; it is so influential. I’m responsible for another human being; this is something that I cannot take lightly. To raise one child is hard enough, so how do I become comfortable with two. Also, I want to believe that there are really important reasons to why you bring children into the world and I don’t want to just have them, just to have them.
So anyway, this is what I'm battling right now. I'm right in the middle at the moment, 50% of me says don't do it, 50% says do it. I do need to decide somewhat soon though and I'm not sure what it will take. My husband, of course, has a say in this. I asked him the other day and he said it's too soon to talk about this. I liked that answer.
I’ve been thinking a lot about whether we should have another child or not. The reality is that I’m not getting any younger – I just turned 35 and if we are going to have another child, we should start thinking about it now. Although, my son is almost 8 months old and I’m really enjoying my time with just him. I can’t imagine having another little one right now (even though it won’t be right now) and it’s hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that we’d be raising two children.
Raising children in general is hard. Parents do it to their utmost capability, but to me, this is a very scary thing. It scares me for many reasons and unfortunately this stems from all the not-so-pleasant things I’ve experienced in my own life, and also the unpleasant things I’ve seen in the work that I do. I know what’s out there; I see the pain, the misery, the poverty, and the injustices. Now, there is a big, big, cynic inside of me and I know that this side of me tends to dominate so if I put this aside I really can, and do, see the beauty in the world. But the world is a very, very complex place to live in and it will never be simple - not in my world at least (it'd be so boring!). But really, how do I set aside my own biases, my own realities, my own fears, when I’m raising children?
When I tell people these things, they think I’m crazy. They say I’m thinking way too much about all of this and that I should just chill and enjoy. Ah, if life could be this easy for me. I’ve chilled and enjoyed in my life (almost too much at times…) and now I’m a real adult, I’m a freakin’ parent! To me, Parent is a loaded word. It’s a role in life that can have so much impact; it is so influential. I’m responsible for another human being; this is something that I cannot take lightly. To raise one child is hard enough, so how do I become comfortable with two. Also, I want to believe that there are really important reasons to why you bring children into the world and I don’t want to just have them, just to have them.
So anyway, this is what I'm battling right now. I'm right in the middle at the moment, 50% of me says don't do it, 50% says do it. I do need to decide somewhat soon though and I'm not sure what it will take. My husband, of course, has a say in this. I asked him the other day and he said it's too soon to talk about this. I liked that answer.
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