Mother

I have been very busy these days. The week of Feb 5th - Feb 13th was one of the toughest weeks for me as a mother; both at home and at work. My husband was gone for the first time since we've become parents and he was gone this whole week. I didn't know what to expect. I thought, sure I can do this, and I did do it, but it made me realize how much my husband does for me as a partner and as my son's father. I realized that doing things by myself isn't so much fun and that having breaks from being a mother is truly important, otherwise you're on auto-pilot and you forget to enjoy the simple moments.

The word mother held it's true meaning during this time. I was a single parent to my baby and to the exchange student we host right now. It was constant go, go, go, go. I was glad to be busy because I knew time would fly and Jeff would be back again, but it made me realize, WOW, this is how single moms do it. This is how my mother did it... There were a few things left undone because I simply chose not to do it. The garbage wasn't taken out for that week, Jeff had to throw it out when he came home. I didn't shower a couple of those days because I slept every morning minute the baby did and then before I knew it, it was time to go to work. I didn't go to the gym, AT ALL. Food, I made an abundance a couple of times, so we ate leftovers often. What was important to me was that we were happy and healthy. I played with Javier as much as possible and what was left undone did not matter. I was very grateful though when my husband came home; I have to admit it was quite a relief.

At the beginning of the week, I attended a celebration of life for a woman I knew who had died of breast cancer. She was an amazing woman, Kathleen was, and I had the privilege of working with her for a couple of years when I moved to MN. She was vibrant, smart, full of life, and she battled the cancer for 5 years, she was only 59yrs old. I only saw her a couple of times after leaving that job, but she touched my life in many ways. She left behind many people that loved her and at her celebration of life it was evident that she would be terribly missed. A lot of people were there, and a lot of us cried, but the celebration was truly inspiring. You could hear Kathleen's words of wisdom in everyone that spoke about her. Her three children, now adults, spoke about their mother in such intimate, endearing ways. You knew she was a good mother; someone who guided, someone who provided tough love, someone who was open, someone who expressed that because life is only temporary, every moment of it should be cherished. It was really sad to see Kathleen go, but her words of wisdom and her loving spirit will always shine.

That same week, something interesting happened to me at work. A client of mine came to me and asked me to be her mother. She started out by saying that in her country, this is what they do; she then got on her knees and asked me to be her mother. I almost died. I didn't know how to respond; I instantly was like crap, what are the boundaries again? How do I say no in a way that isn't offensive? All these emotions came crashing like massive waves, and I thought, why is this so hard for me right now? This all came during her telling of her story; she's had a tough life, is new to the country, is pregnant and has no one to turn to. I said 'thank you,' and went on to tell her what I could do for her. I explained my job and told her that what I do for others, I will do for her, and that is to make sure she is stable and healthy, so that her baby is too. She graciously accepted my response and we continued. The moment was so intense though, it stuck with me for a long time after that.

I did a lot of processing to figure out why I was so touched by that moment. The obvious is because I am a new mother. Knowing how much I love my son, that kind of love that is unexplainable, and then to have a young woman who's never had a mother, come to you and ask you to give that to her is an honor. It really made me think about the meaning of mothering and how important and special that is. There is so much that a mother does for a child, and that connection is completely fragile and sensitive as it is powerful and everlasting. This young woman also reminded me that being a mother, a good mother, is probably the toughest job there is on earth.

So yes, this was my tough week in February. I was a single mother, I attended a celebration of life for an amazing mother, and I was asked to be some one's mother. Talk about emotion overload. I had been meaning to write about all of this, but I didn't know quite how to put it into words. I'm glad it's snow day today and that the baby is soundly sleeping - good time to gather thoughts.