Raging Hormones

The other day I came home and my husband and I were catching up on our day. I was talking about something that was somewhat concerning me and I noticed that he was skimming through a book. I, all of sudden, got really pissed, started crying, and told him that he appeared completely disengaged. This happened in a matter of minutes. I couldn't stop crying. Once you start crying, that's it - it takes over! I turned on the television because I needed something to distract me. Now my husband was unhappy and tried to get me to talk about it, but I declined. Later he apologized and told me that he was preoccupied with the book (the Expectant Father) and had baby names and daycare on his mind. I know... Anyway, needless to say, he isn't usually a disengaged person, and I was just being such a baby! But this is what happens. You cry, you cry, and you cry.

There was another incident where I was using a blender that wasn't working very well. I was making hot soup and wanted to puree it, but the blender was not cooperating. I lost it. I cried and couldn't stop. I left the soup and blender, and went to the bathroom. It was ridiculous. I jumped in the tub thinking that would help and it didn't. I felt better the more I cried. But then you know, it goes away. I was fine and dealt with the soup later. Talk about mood swings.

Emotions will run high from the beginning. Your hormones are all over the place and you don't really know what that means until you experience it. Working in a prenatal clinic, I always see that women early on, get really sad and emotional and I used to think, "gosh, why?" Well, it happened to me. What happens is that physically your body starts to rapidly change, and sometimes you don't even feel it. For some women, you start to feel nauseous (I like to describe it as being hung-over all the time or having sea-sickness all the time) and tired and moody right away. I'm very in-tune with my body so these symptoms were really affecting me. It made me feel so off. I stopped working out because I was too sick and had no energy. I wanted to sleep all the time. I wasn't happy. I kept thinking, as I said before, "I should be so excited that I'm pregnant," but I wasn't. I felt bad and guilty and I had thoughts that maybe I would miscarry because I was feeling this way.

I caught this early on and I did my best to fight it. I kept telling myself that this would go away and that I would feel better. I would eat something every 2hrs, even though I wasn't hungry and I made sure I napped at noon most days, and when I got home from work. It made a difference. Eating and sleeping. I was bummed that I wasn't exercising, which they say helps a great deal, but I didn't force myself to do that. The symptoms were taking over, so I did what was easiest and convenient.

By 12-13 weeks, I was feeling much better. I caught a horrible cold that diminished my nausea because I couldn't smell or taste anything. My energy started to come back. One day I woke up and I was like, OMG I feel like my old self again. I didn't think it would happen. Some women experience these crazy symptoms throughout their entire pregnancy. I thought that would be me.

I believe that you shouldn't feel guilty or bad when you physically feel like shit. It's a part of pregnancy and it's important to just be honest with yourself and with others. I think women should tell friends or family when they're feeling miserable because it helps. No one is ever alone in this process and you just have to work through it because it's totally worth it. Time goes by quickly and before you know it becomes a lost memory.

I want to add that along with these physical symptoms you start to wonder what parenthood will be like and it's scary! When we decided to have a baby, I was very confident that I was so ready for this, but the reality is you will doubt yourself many times. I decided that I can only take it day-by-day and hope that I will have strength to face whatever comes my way. So far...so good.