Bringing Baby into the World

Earlier in my pregnancy I heard that in your 1st trimester there's a lot of introspection going on. You do a lot of inward thinking, like, holy crap I'm pregnant and what does that mean? How is going to feel, what should I expect? You're so excited yet super apprehensive. Then in your second trimester it's all about what you are physically feeling and how you look. The body expands, people start noticing, you talk a lot about the pregnancy and what is going. In this 3rd trimester you start to think, ok, I'm going to have this baby soon and all of sudden The Thinking begins. What does that mean for me? For my husband? How IS IT going to change our lives, and what are we going show him, and teach him, and how are we going to make sure that he learns to love, that he learns compassion, and that sometimes he will not know the mysteries of life?

I believe my thinking has a lot to with my work. I see pregnant women all the time and I often see women question their pregnancies. I work in an environment where many women aren't very excited about being pregnant. They learn to deal with it, but it's not something they're thrilled about. They get angry because they realize that having a child is difficult, and that it's going to entirely change their lives. But what I don't see them doing is prepare in a way that will make their childrens' lives better than their own, or prepare for healthier lives, and I don't see them doing it with some purpose.

Luckily, I don't have these thoughts and I am by no means angry about having a child, but it has brought me to think about why it is that I'm bringing this baby into this world. I can't possibly be doing it because I simply want to! I am not "planning" what kind of life I want our children to have, but it has become important to me to think about what is the purpose of life, and how am I going to share and explore that with our baby, once he's a kid, teenager, then an adult? I know, this is a bit philosophical, but it's been consuming my thoughts lately.

So, this is what I'm pondering. I haven't really come up with any solid answers (and I don't think I will), but right now this is what's lingering in my brain. I know that my husband and I lead healthy lifestyles that will greatly influence our child's life, and that is reassuring. I see that. My purpose in life is to be happy, to love, to have compassion, and to lead a life that is fulfilling. With this, Baby Jimenez-Smith will have a good start.

Pregnancy - Love or Hate

People have been asking me lately if I like being pregnant overall. I think this is such an interesting question and it's one that I never think to ask others who are. I have to say that the whole experience is fascinating, and I love embracing it, but I have to admit that there are times where I don't like being pregnant.

Here, I have a list:
Hormonal ups and downs.
Missing my pre-pregnancy body.
Feeling super-full after eating, and like I'm going to explode.
Sex is difficult.
People thinking you're "disabled."
The achy hips when I wake up b/c it's not comfortable sleeping on my belly or back.
The itchy boobs and belly.
The fact that I stopped running at 4 months, and now can't run. Can't wait to run!(this is my own fault, but now I know.)

I know, I sound miserable - I'm not. Here's a list of why I love it:

I've been pressing a hard spot on my belly, which I think is the baby's bottom and his whole body moves. I can't help but giggle.
I love it that the extra progesterone my body produces keeps me dazed.
It's fun when people want to touch my belly.
Yoga feels even more amazing.
It's nice when people look at you and smile.
The time does go by quickly.
Imagining who or what the baby will like.
Craving foods that are good for you, like oranges.
Totally enjoying food I shouldn't be eating.

This is what I'm feeling right now - all of these things. It's all because of this little love child my husband and I have created. Totally worth it.

30 weeks pregnant

Ah, time is ticking away and it's getting to the point where I'm not sure how I feel about all of this. It's positive, but it's everything. I'm starting to get nervous about labor and delivery and I can't get enough of people's birth stories. I know I'm strong and I know I can do it, but I'm still scared. I need to let go of that fear though. I've read that it will keep you from having a smooth delivery and if you go in with fear, you'll create resistance, which in turn more PAIN! The crazy part too is trying to imagine what that pain is like - I have nothing to compare it to. And then I have people tell me, having the baby is a piece of cake, just wait until after the baby is home.

I'm a feeling a lot of physical changes. My belly and boobs are itchy. I do put on some Burt's Bees body balm that feels great. I have all kinds of crazy blue and green veins running through my body. I kind of look like a map. The baby is kicking and moving as if he's trying to get out. It hurts! But it's amazing. I sometimes wonder about my tolerance of pain when I do feel the aggressive movements. But seriously, it hurts and sometimes I brace for the next kick or punch and hope that it isn't as hard. I also feel this weird umbilical cord sensation from the inside. I read somewhere that the baby uses it like a toy. So yeah, he's definitely yanking on it or something, which isn't so pleasant...

I am being a wuss though and have to say that with the discomfort comes the joy. I look down and think, holy shit, I'm having a baby. I think about what he's going to look like, about what kind of personality he's going to have, whether he's going to be a difficult baby or an easy baby. There are no opinions or judgements on these thoughts, I just wonder and get all excited.

I haven't been able to really nest since the house is on the market. It doesn't bother me though. I love having a de-cluttered, clean, house and have learned that this is how I want to continue living, whether in a new house or not. In a few weeks, I'm going to pull out the basics for what I will need when the baby is born and that's it. I'm sure that will do for a month or two. I'd like to bring my baby into a simple, de-cluttered world!

My nesting has consisted of what we are going to experience with the baby and what I'd like our lives to look like. I'm very adamant about living in a different country (preferably in Latin-America) just for a couple of years. We need to expose our child (or children and ourselves) to another culture once and a while. My husband and I know the beauty and benefits of that, and it would be a shame to not do that with our children. I couldn't wait to tell my husband about my plan, but when he returned from Guatemala recently he wasn't feeling well, physically, and well I thought it might not be a good time... I did mention it though so I know we'll have the conversation later.

I'm now planning baby showers with friends and family. That's another thing I'd like to be cognizant of. We have most of the "stuff" we need for the baby, given by family and friends, so we're needing to be a bit creative about gifts and such. My husband and I have always agreed that we should live with the minimum, that we shouldn't waste, that we should recycle everything and anything that we can. This baby will not be deprived in any way, shape, or form and we're just hopeful that our children will adapt and enjoy these basic standards of living.

I have more photos to post, so stay tuned.